27 Oct

Wrap, wrap, wrap, wrap it up!

Ugh, yeah those Subway commercials were damn annoying -- "Wrap it up!" And then at the end "That's a wrap." Oooh, creative!

But it seems like plenty of fast food chains took their advice.

We live in a world where the $1 menu was created so select people would still be interested in their stores. We have coupons, gimmicky promotions, new inventions... restaurants want you in their store. Investors want growth in companies. So what can companies do to increase their profit margins in this economy?

Wrap up their sandwiches and charge a premium for it. That's crazy whack funky.

Seemingly the first to do it was the McDonald's Angus Burger. It came in a box, and inside the box the burger came half wrapped. I guess the mentality is if you're paying $4 for a burger, we don't want your little fingers getting any grease on them! Plus, since we really can't change the flavor of the burger anymore, we can give it the extra sense of "hugeness" by having it stick out of the wrapper. ANYTHING looks bigger if it protrudes out of its home!

Then, of course, BK had to follow suit with their Chef's Burger... almost identical to McD's Angus Burger, only without the box. Instead, an individual wrapper around, yes, half the burger.

Wendy's has "Dave's Burger" sandwich, which is inserted into a box about 3/4 the size of the burger. You never box any of your sandwiches, Wendy's... why do you feel the need to do so with this one? Oh, because it's a step up from a Double Stack, but somehow charge 4x the amt.

I mean, does a person really sit at the dirty booth that hasn't been wiped in 3 days, and even when it's wiped, the rag used to clean it has been sitting in a soapy water bucket filled with a collection of who-knows-what from way earlier in the day, and think to himself '... look at everyone else, just eating that lame burger. MINE's got class. It SCREAMS classy because it has an extra wrapper! Everyone else's burger just comes in that thin glossy wrapper. HA!'

I think I just threw up in my mouth...

If you need an extra wrapper, you probably should remove the grease from your burger before you serve it! Just a thought.

Now I'm no environmentalist, but I am conscious. As Ethan and Erin would say, I'm an Eco Ranger! Just that you slap an extra wrapper around a sandwich, or put it in a glossy box doesn't mean you can charge a premium. I mean, didn't McD's learn a little something from their classy McD.L.T. invention? Remember this beast? It took up the whole tray! And trying to fit it into the garbage container was equivalent to a complete workout at Lifetime Fitness.

oooh baby... mega styrofoam!

But I guess it does mean you can charge more. I'm in the wrong... after all, it's still on the menu (full disclosure, I do order the Angus Burger about a couple times a year) And yes, I do know that I quoted Digital Underground above, unintentionally.

Categories: Amusement , Gripe Read More

17 Oct

A Marketing Gimmick Not So Sweet

So October 15th has come and gone. Big deal, so has October 14th and 16th and every other day of the year. So what's the significance? Well, I intentionally held off writing this as to not give any mention to Sweetest Day, the dumbest, most overrated non-holiday that ever was.

Let's see... how can we bilk millions more from the public? Hey, I got it... let's invent another love holiday! Yeah, and if we do it right, it will be another holiday where we can convince the public of the importance of receiving something from their significant other. And if they don't, the massive guilt trip that would result.

Brie-aenne: What did your hubby get you?

Gorgeous: Nothing.

Brie-aenne: (gasp)

And Rainbow Foods... I'm looking at you on this one. No other company advertising locally even comes close to touting this POS non-holiday than you do. Guess how much has been spent by me on this "day"? That's right... $0. Valentine's Day isn't far behind either.

Look, if you're a chocolate maker, card company, florist, etc, you're most likely in favor of this day. More dirty money in your pocket -- you couldn't make real sales by, oh, coming out with a commercial like "Our flowers are awesome, check em out!" or "Buy flowers today, just because" or "Surprise your wife with some flowers tonight".

And I argue that your wife will love flowers even more on the element of surprise instead of some cheap "holiday" telling you to buy them. It'll truly tell her you were thinking of HER when she sees them.

Imagine Microsoft or some computer company inventing a holiday called Robo Day. "Tell your computer/robot that you appreciate all the billions of calculations it has done for you in your lifetime by giving the gift of RAM." "Show your car that you love it with a fresh oil change."

Marketing morons... haven't you pulled enough from our pockets? Birthday, Mother's Day, Christmas, Maternity, New Years ("Celebrate the new year with a gift of..."), Anniversary, Valentine's Day, Boss' Day, Admins Day, and now Sweetest Day. Every day is a day! There's more I left out, but you get the picture.

Sweetest Day... pshhh. No thanks. I'll continue to really celebrate my relationship on the day that matters most -- my anniversary.

Categories: Gripe Read More

05 Oct

I Feel Like I'm Being Nagged By That Overprotective Mother...

Especially in this era of parenting, you all know of the stereotypical overprotective parent. It starts off with the basic warnings, but then morphs:

Don't touch the hot oven, or you'll burn your fingers!

Don't sit too close to the TV, you'll hurt your eyes!

Don't ride your bike without a helmet!

Don't drink from the garden hose!

Make sure you're wearing your shin guards before you mow!

Be careful, I don't want you injuring yourself on those monkey bars!

I really don't want you ever driving the car, because it's dangerous out there.

The world is full of germs. Here, stay inside our home forever where the air is cleaned by the Dust-o-matic P218XP Series II 2GSX.

And nobody seems more overprotective than weather forecasters. I'm just going to list a few:

Tornado Watch & Warning
Severe Thunderstorm Watch & Warning
Winter Weather Advisory
Winter Weather Warning
Wind Advisory
Wind Chill Advisory & Warning
Heat Advisory
Extreme heat warning
Dense Fog Advisory
Severe Drought
Flash Flood Watch & Warning
... etc.

And as you may/may not know, last year, the National Weather Service was even testing out a new warning called the Extreme Cold Warning, which somehow differs from the already well-known Wind Chill Warning in a way I'll probably never understand.

I mean, even when they shout Tornado Warning, that doesn't even mean that a Tornado has been spotted anymore. All it has to do now to qualify as a Tornado is have the radar indicate rotation which could likely spawn a tornado!

And it doesn't seem to matter what type of weather we get -- unless it's 70 and mostly sunny with a dew point of 50, there's some warning or watch to be had. And now we get to add one more to the list:


348 AM CDT WED OCT 5 2011




So let me understand... if there's too much humidity, we either get a flood warning, or, if no precip is falling, we get a dense fog advisory. But heaven forbid, if there's a lack of humidity in the air... well, we can't have that! We need to issue another warning... to the general public. Be careful where you step, because there's just not a lot of moisture out there! You might get a bloody nose or something, so remember to pack an extra box of tissues just in case. Just stay indoors, curl up and pray that you make it through this.

The earth spins on its axis! Weather changes. There are spots of high and low pressure that help move air around. These things happen! NOT EVERY DAY IS 70 and partly sunny with a dew point of 50! We get varying weather, that's what some love about this state! WE HAVE A SEASON CALLED WINTER. WE KNOW THIS. WE PREPARE OURSELVES FOR THIS. WE DON'T NEED A WARNING FOR EVERY EVENT THAT VARIES FROM 70 DEGREES!

I can't wait until we get a warning "Ominous Cloud Advisory."

... and we're trying to figure out how, with all the modern conveniences (Dishwasher, automobile, oven, etc.) which make our lives easier, we have more stress in our lives. Hmmmmm.....

Categories: Gripe Read More

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