11 May

Meteorologists trying to sound all impressive

With the latest round of severe weather last night came non-stop severe weather coverage on all the major TV networks.

And it's during these severe weather events that meteorologists are tested -- they have a lot of time to fill. Thus, you can count on at least two things happening:

  1. Trying to act overly smart by using catchy phrases
  2. Show off their new meteorological tools

And nobody demonstrates this better....... than your boy, Fox9's own Ian Leonard.

That's right, bringin' Alberta's finest Canadian-English vernacular, lit-tra-lly, this freeloading Canadian is apparently trying to oust the "Goof on the Roof" in terms of household names.

The latest gaffe came while talking about outdoor events and being "sky aware." He went on to say that if people see lightning, they should heed this rule of thumb (and no, I'm not making this up):

"When lightning roars, head indoors"

Honest to God, I don't know where to start with this one. Lightning roaring? Take some advice from ol' Garth... Thunder rolls, and the lightning strikes. Get it? Thunder rolls/booms/roars/crashes... Lightning doesn't do that.

And later on, he tries to sound even more impressive. He showed us a picture of the radar and how everything was "quiet" after the storms went by. "We call this -- Severe Clear."

Really? Funny, is that why the NWS, when updating their tornado watch area, still has us included in the tornado watch. NWS sure doesn't consider us "in the clear." Nobody calls it severe clear... YOU do. And why does everything have to be alliterative or rhyming (or near-rhyming)?

And I swear meteorologists get their hard-on during severe weather outbreaks. Why? Because they get to show-off all the fancy new tools: Smartboards, swirly-arrows that they can draw using their finger on the board to show where there is likely air inflow, unreadable 3-D graphics trying to show cloud tops, and touting their Storm Tracker Technology, which is not technology at all. Rather, it's simply a "click-a-spot-on-the-map-and-drag-out-the-direction-the-storm-is-heading-and-indicate-how-fast-the-storm-is-travelling" feature. The human does nearly all of the work -- the computer simply highlights the cities that are in the way and the approximate time it will be there BASED ON THE HUMAN'S INPUT. There's no technology involved!

Pffff... Storm Tracker Technology, ugh. Sounds as dumb as Domino's Pizza touting their new cardboard pizza box as "Corru-Skeletal Technology." Whatever. It's a freakin' cardboard box. My TV set came in a box with the same "technology" so shut up. Ooooh, I bet you thought you sounded so impressive because you used the word "technology" -- why not just say something to the effect of "We now use sturdier pizza boxes"?

I'm a boot to end this blog entry litraly. But before I do, eeeeeeeeehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhIIIIIIIIIII better repeat the phrase I have been saying the entire time I got here... be Sky Aware!

Categories: Gripe