29 Jul

Advertising Euphoria

It used to be your normal sources: mail, newspaper, radio and TV. Even one's own body has succumbed to it, via tattoos. Advertising is everywhere. The newest way to get their message across? The vehicle.


Yes indeed, nothing tarnishes one's self-image more than flaunting around with your hands at 10-and-2 with a daisy following you.

And I'm sure that hot date will really be impressed as they're entering the Pringlemobile. After all, to a date, nothing says "I'm worth it" more than that feeling of security, knowing they're safe inside a box of Cheerios.

And for a hundred dollars of revenue a month, you too can sell out and achieve this level of superiority. That's right, in a country where dares are the norm, you have shows such as Fear Factor and bets such as "Would you drink a gallon of milk for $50?" Everything seems to have a price tag -- it's just a matter of what the price is. Think of it...

Pull into the parking lot for Sunday morning mass touting "Hell's Kitchen on FOX 8pm".

Hold your head up high as you drive around the city flanking a photo of Trojan Man.

Feel self-confident, pulling up to your cashier job at Wal-Mart in a vehicle displaying Amazon.com or Target.

Suit yourself... I'm making an extra $100-$200/month!

Here's a cookie, I'll keep my pride. If you're a man and relying on the $200, you're probably the same person who, when asking a woman out on a dinner date, would go halvsies. Then, after dinner, go balls-to-the-wall and take her to a $1 movie theater ON YOU!

But if you're a NASCAR fan, you're probably stoked at the idea of driving around with a bunch of ads on your car. Now you can REALLY feel like Dale Jr! All you're missing now is a matching racing suit! Though I'm sure if you're envisioning having a NASCAR-like car, you probably already have the racing suit in your closet.

I mean, advertisements are everywhere now. The bus has always had advertising on the sides, now they managed to use every square inch of the bus and have started covering all the windows! Advertising is now in schools too to offset budget cuts. Anything to keep from raising my property tax, I guess!

You won't catch me dead driving around with these types of ads plastered to my vehicle. I'll keep my dignity and do the Smith Barney thing and make money the old-fashioned way.

Categories: Amusement , Gripe