02 Sep

See Titanic for a 5th time!

You have to be the first in line for the Star Wars movie on release night.

On Black Friday, show that you're a die-hard and camp outside the Target store the night before (to save $0.30 on shampoo)

Be the first to ride the Wild Thing at Valleyfair.

We are surrounded by stupid challenges, whether the challenges are directly stated or not. I heard the most recent one on the radio, regarding our Minnesota State Fair ("August 25th through Labor Day, State Fairgrounds... BE THERE!"). We were given a challenge. The challenge was a very basic one: How many times are you going to the fair this year? That's not a question, that's a challenge!

You got it buddy! I'm up for it! </sarc>

He's right! I can't be the only one on my block to go just one time!

Those people around the water cooler will be jealous I went twice!

Nobody's going to touch my going 5 times -- I'm the champion! ::self-gratification::

Yup, you win buddy... good job! Dropping $60 for your five visits (not including parking, food or drinks) just to have the privilege of standing with 100,000 others waiting 20 minutes for your damn salad-on-a-stick which is $5 overpriced to begin with.

Look, I'm not saying you can't go to the State Fair. I go about every 4th year. I'm just trying to understand why you would go multiple times within a year. Certainly if you go with your friends one time, and then your family the other time, that at least makes some sense. But for those not included in the previous example, you certainly didn't go back to see the giant pig once again, nor did you go back to get more free rulers from the Education tent. Did you not see everything the first time? It's not really that big of an area. Maybe it's the pork-chop-on-a-stick that you just can't find anywhere else.

But would you really fork down another $12 for that? Mr. Announcer, tell me... why on earth would Joe Blow challenge himself to go back more times? To stuff his face with Deep-fried-butter-on-a-stick again? No, it's stupid commercialism that causes people to stop thinking. Imagine:

Neighbor 1, holding a can of Schell beer: Goin' to the State Fair, 'ya know?

Neighbor 2, drinking cucumber water: Yup, already went twice, now going with the wife and kids

[the sky opens and the sun shines down on Neighbor 2]

Neighbor 1: [in awe] Woooowwwwwww!


But go ahead... go 10 times. Be that person on your block! You can do it! And while you're at it, make sure you take a thorough shower after each visit, or the stench from the garbage will linger with you until next State Fair!

Categories: Gripe